Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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