My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
