just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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