Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
