I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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