Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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