It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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