She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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