youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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