We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
