idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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