Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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