hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
