My room smells like vodka and shame
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
