I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
