A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
