I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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