she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
