It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was like eating out sand paper
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
