I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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