Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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