Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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