And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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