all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
