his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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