There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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