I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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