i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
