i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
