my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
