I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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