Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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