It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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