you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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