whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Randomize
