break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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