WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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