The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
