So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
