In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
