Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
PANTIES FOUND
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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