oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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