Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You are a genius and a whore.
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