How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
