he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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