There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
