it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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