i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
