My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
