the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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