Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
