So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize