remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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