Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
