Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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