you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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