I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize