if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
