Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
