Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
